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We all know those situations when conversations with other people don’t feel authentic. When we have the feeling, we are trying to be someone or act out a behaviour that we not really are. On the other side, we also know those conversations when we enjoy that we can show up who we are and what we are standing for.
Those are the situations in which we have the power to be successful. The power of our inner attitude.
The inner attitude with which you approach others decisively determines whether your relationships succeed or fail. The way you connect always communicates your inner attitude to your counterpart.
What is the inner attitude?
The inner attitude you have towards yourself determines decisively whether you are in harmony with yourself or not.
You have self-confidence when you are aware of yourself.
You experience confidence when you dare to take a clear and unambiguous position. This happens when you know what your values and needs are and how they drive your behavior. Reflecting on your own attitude towards any area of your life is necessary to decide if this attitude is beneficial or not.
Ask yourself:
Out of which motivation am I doing my job right now?
There is no right or wrong answer and no one needs to know this except you at the moment.
Your answer might be:
- “I want to develop my career.”
- “I want to reach the next salary level.”
- “I want to drive change in the role that I incorporate.”
- “I want others to respect and appreciate me.”
- “I want financial stability.”
- “I want to serve others.”
- …
Being aware of your inner attitude helps you to understand how and why you are acting in the way you are acting right now. Many people try to force themselves to change their behavior and experience to copy a specific style of working and acting. However, this outer change reflects inauthenticity and can be seen as “fake” by others.
If you don't know your inner attitude, you can’t grow.
Your habitual inner attitude gives you stability, protection and comfort. Changing it unsettles you and makes you afraid - regardless of whether you admit this fear to yourself or not. Fear always leads to resistance to change - often against your better judgment.
Your clinging to habitual internal postural restrictions can lead to you being stuck in the so-called "knowing-doing gap." That is, you actually know what to do. But you don't implement what you know and remain stuck in what you know.
Blaming yourself will usually get you nowhere if you want to achieve the changes you are striving for and your associated goals. Because the war against yourself, only makes the inner clamp bigger.
Therefore:
Stop declaring war on yourself any longer - and learn self-appreciation first and foremost.
How appreciation lifts up the inner attitude
From transactional analysis, we know that our attitude towards ourselves and others highly affects our communication. When we are not “ok” with ourselves and others, we will not communicate on an eyelevel. This imbalance creates stress, frustration and anger and can lead to misinterpreting situations.
Source: Eric Berne
We also know from neuroscience that our inner attitude has an immense effect on our health and well-being. The HeartMath Institute discovered that frustration, anger and fear create an imbalanced pattern of our heart rate. Whereas practising appreciation, love and acceptance towards ourselves and others balances our heart rate and helps to reduce cortisol – the stress hormone.
Source: HeartMath Institute
For most people, it is not habitual to practice appreciation regularly because we are used to focusing on the negative aspects and possible pitfalls in every situation.
However, training and practising appreciation actively reduce stress and empathic communication instantly (HeartMath, 2021).